Friday, September 3, 2010

Keep me wondering why, when all I can do, is sigh.

I wish so  much, that I could make him feel like he's on top of the world. 
Like he can do anything. I wish I could be the wind beneath his wings, and lift him up high with my love. 
I wish my love for him, was strong enough to do that. 
I wish he could see, feel, know how much I adore him. 
All I want is to make him happy. 
To make him feel loved, 
to make him know that everything will always be okay.
That I will ALWAYS be there for him. 
He makes posts, comments, says thing, that makes me feel like I can't do enough for him. 
Like, I'm not as important to him as I thought I was. 
I'm not his world, like he is mine. 
I want so much for him to feel as crazy in love, madly in love as I am with him. 
I want him to want to protect me, to love me, and hold me and never let go. 
That's what I want. I wish we could spend every day with each other, never out of sight. 
We talk, about deep subjects, but rarely. 
We talk about our goals, our dreams, and wishes. 
When we do, it's the most amazing thing in the world, knowing he'd share these things with me. 
But it's just so rare, to hear those things from him. 
Does he really love me? 
Truly, deeply, madly, completely? 
Like I do?

"Her...Love, wonder, belonging, real belonging. Oh, I'm so hungry for her, so hungry and thirsty and starved and I saw her just this afternoon...but I can't see her enough, be with her enough. I wish we could get married! Did I write that? Yes I did and it's true! Man, is it ever true! I want her for twenty-four hours of every day like I've never wanted anything in my life before. Nothing is important, only love is! And I love her! She loves me! We cannot exist without each other. That is all that is important! Our happiness, our immediate and complete rapture and happiness. I'll find a way! Together, we'll find a way." 
~Jay's Journal. 

How I wish he'd want me, like Jay wanted his love. 

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