Thursday, September 30, 2010

My friends

How do I decide who my best friends are? Well, I think of who I would want for my bride's maids for my wedding. Of course, no one can ever change who my maid of honor will be. But anyways, this is a dedication to those girls, who keep me up, and alive. :) 

Best friend for 8 years now. She's always had my back, always supported my decisions, and gives the best advice ever! She loves me for me, and she's the funnest, funniest, smartest, most outgoing girl I know! Se's so amazing, and silly, and she'll listen to you. She's successful with everything she does, from school, to art, to music. I can completely be myself with her, and never feel judged, and she gives the best compliments, even when you're feeling or looking like crap xD She's completely down to earth and I would NEVER give her up for anything! She is and always will be my sister for life. 

The closest to being my best friend since Galina. This girl, where do I begin? I screwed up our friendship, and she forgave me for it. We've been through SOOOOO many ups and downs, left and rights, and wrongs, but we're back on the road to friendship. She's amazing, sweet, kind, lovable, silly, and so much fun to be with :D I can be myself with her, and have loads of fun, and we can talk about anything. She beautiful too! lol I love this girl to death! 

Evelyn...Oh boy. Haha. She's silly, hyperactive, blonde, oh my god lol But she's got a strong determined heart, that's been through a lot, and I love her for how strong she is. She's strong willed, strong minded, and she sticks up for everything and everyone she loves and believes in. She's a fighter on the outside, and a lover on the inside. She sticks up for her friends, and doesn't take shit from anyone. I love this girl so much, she's always there for me, and even though we may joke about our "conditional, tainted love", I know it'll always be the opposite. :) 

Natasha is silly, fun, weird, random, all of the above. But she's got a heart of gold, and will always be there for you. I haven't known her for very long, and we don't get to hang out much, but I know she's will ALWAYS fight for what she believes in, and will never give up. She's struggled, but fought through it, even if she was doing it alone. I admire her for that, as well as her singing abilities lol 

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

"The whispers turn to shouting, The shouting turns to tears.." 
~A twist in my story by Secondhand Serenade. 

Cry yourself to sleep tonight, 
Little girl, sleep soundly tonight. 

The yelling will stop, 
the crying will cease, 
Just don't walk
Away, please. 

And I was crying alone tonight
And I was wasting all of my life 
just thinking of us
Hoping our love won't turn to dust..

In the moonlight
Your face it glows
Like a thousand diamonds
I suppose
And your hair flows like
The ocean breeze
Not a million fights
Could make me hate you
You're invincible
Yeah, It's true
It's in your eyes
Where I find peace

Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
Let's light up the town, scream out loud!
Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
I can see in your eyes
You're ready to break
Don't look away.

So here we are now
In a place where
The sun blended
With the ocean thin.
So thin, we stand
Across from each other
Together we'll wonder
If we will last these days
If I asked you to stay
Would you tell me
You would be mine?

And time
Is all I ask for
I just need one more day
And time
You've been crying too long
And your tears wrote this song

In the moonlight
Your face it glows

Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
Let's light up the town, scream out loud!
Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
I can see in your eyes
You're ready to break
Don't look away. 

Monday, September 13, 2010

Take off your mask

People are so scared of being judged. 
But everyone has is in them to judge someone. 
You wear a mask everyday, 
to hide who you really are. 
To hide how you're truly feeling. 
This is a fear that should be banished. 
It's hard to hide who you are. 
It sucks, am I right? 
To those of you who don't wear a mask, congrats. 
You are true. 
You have guts. You are brave. 
You may come off as a bitch, or a douchebag, 
or some other obscene name, 
but you're just being yourself. 
I envy that. I'm taking a vow,
 to take off my mask.
 I'm tired of being shy, 
and hiding, 
and I'm tired of being scared to be judged. 
The people who love you for who you are, 
the people you can be yourself around, 
will not leave you. 
They will stay by your side. 
If the person you love leaves you, 
because they can't appreciate who you are, 
forget them. 
Cry, and move on. 
Find a good friend.
 Find your true love. 
Be happy, and live your life. 
Take off your mask. 

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Give me my wings!

"Taking drugs, and making love, at far to young an age.." ~Jason Mraz

Being a teenager, you grow up, and learn from your mistakes, and learn lessons. You do stupid things, and regret doing them. I don't regret my mistakes. I've gotten drunk, did some drugs, smoked, had sex...all at the young age of 15. I'm not proud of it, but I don't regret any of it. It's made who I am today.
I am
Open minded
I am a lover, and a fighter, I fight for what I love. I fight for what I believe in.
I am a peacemaker.

Why violet wings? 
Violet is my Aura's color. 

Friday, September 3, 2010

Keep me wondering why, when all I can do, is sigh.

I wish so  much, that I could make him feel like he's on top of the world. 
Like he can do anything. I wish I could be the wind beneath his wings, and lift him up high with my love. 
I wish my love for him, was strong enough to do that. 
I wish he could see, feel, know how much I adore him. 
All I want is to make him happy. 
To make him feel loved, 
to make him know that everything will always be okay.
That I will ALWAYS be there for him. 
He makes posts, comments, says thing, that makes me feel like I can't do enough for him. 
Like, I'm not as important to him as I thought I was. 
I'm not his world, like he is mine. 
I want so much for him to feel as crazy in love, madly in love as I am with him. 
I want him to want to protect me, to love me, and hold me and never let go. 
That's what I want. I wish we could spend every day with each other, never out of sight. 
We talk, about deep subjects, but rarely. 
We talk about our goals, our dreams, and wishes. 
When we do, it's the most amazing thing in the world, knowing he'd share these things with me. 
But it's just so rare, to hear those things from him. 
Does he really love me? 
Truly, deeply, madly, completely? 
Like I do?

"Her...Love, wonder, belonging, real belonging. Oh, I'm so hungry for her, so hungry and thirsty and starved and I saw her just this afternoon...but I can't see her enough, be with her enough. I wish we could get married! Did I write that? Yes I did and it's true! Man, is it ever true! I want her for twenty-four hours of every day like I've never wanted anything in my life before. Nothing is important, only love is! And I love her! She loves me! We cannot exist without each other. That is all that is important! Our happiness, our immediate and complete rapture and happiness. I'll find a way! Together, we'll find a way." 
~Jay's Journal. 

How I wish he'd want me, like Jay wanted his love. 

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

When dreams are great

I had a dream last night. It was the most wonderful dream I'd ever had. I wish so much I could share it with my love. We had a beautiful baby girl. She was the most precious, and most beautiful baby I'd ever seen, even if she wasn't real. She was real to me. I have never felt such a strong emotion in a dream before.. We will make a beautiful baby girl one day.. She will be amazing. 

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Dear Michael,

 letter I wrote to Michael Jackson. It contains almost every song name of his. See if you can find all 58 of them. 

Dear Michael, 

I want you back, because I love the way you make me feel.
You were never bad, you were so real. 
Do you remember the time you sang with Paul McCartney?
The girl is mine, you weren't talking about Billie Jean.
You rock my world, and I'm bouncing off the wall.
You may have died, but your legend will never fall. 
I wanted to rock with you sometime,
maybe rock to baby be mine.
It was just your human nature,
black or white, you didn't care.
You loved your fans, asking them, "don't walk away!
please, will you be there? will you stay?"
You were the man in the mirror, the unbreakable mirror
Who is it, that invaded you privacy? 
They don't care about us, they didn't see. 
They just said "give into me." 
They did it for the money, and classic tabloid junkie. 
You told them to beat it, and to leave me alone. 
Too bad you didn't chill them to the bone. 
You gave everyone butterflies, and left them all speechless. 
You made everyone think, there must be more to life then this. 
When you sang dirty Diana, you apologized,
but when you joined the beloved princess, it made everyone cry.
Tell me, is it scary, being on the other side?
You were never someone in the dark, and you never hid in the closet.
Neither were you a heart breaker, you said heaven can wait instead. 
You wanted to heal the world, even though you were a stranger in Moscow.
Now you're among ghosts, and people ask why? how?! 
You had a super fly sister, and knew a rat named Ben.
You played a smooth criminal, and have been threatened. 
People would wanna be startin' something,
others would wait till the break of dawn,
just to see you perform.
From Blood on the dance floor, to your famous earth song,
morphine and Jam, don't stop till you get enough,
everyone did just that, every fan.
2000 watts got you good too, but you're invincible.
You stayed in never land, and rode the carousel,
this time around, you still make everyone smile. 
Your song comes on the radio, and no one touches the dial.
Whether it's thriller or P.Y.T, 
whatever happens Michael,
you've made History. 

Your dedicated fan, 
Allie Carpenter. <3